so hes leaving in 2 days..uhm ok

while in the middle of cooking dinner last night (and i might add, a very delicious one) Jonny recieved a call from his sargeant. Usually, this isnt anything to be alarmed about, an army man's day of work does not stop once he leaves the base. However, once Jonny looked up at me from the floor (we have a tiny love seat that i hog 24/7, our couch hasnt came yet) the look he gave me said it all. Its funny how a person can go from being extremely relaxed and happy, to sweating/having heart palpitations/want to throw up/hysterically crying. In that moment I have never been so overwhelmed and angry all at once. I would never wish this feeling among anyone. Let me clarify, I am not upset at the fact that he is going to Afghanistan. When we first starting dating back in the day, our relationship has never been a lie. Jonny has always been honest that "Yes, if we wanted to be together, I would have to accept the fact that he would be getting deployed"..I had plenty of chances to opt out. I was so upset that I no longer had 18 precious days, but more like 60 hours. Not having any control over a situation is the most TERRIBLE thing. The reason he is getting deployed is the sole fact that they want to send 90 guys over this friday, and they only have about 70 people to fill the plane right now. They are so desperate to scrounge up people, that they are sending the most unprepared soldiers out to Afghanny Land. This war needs to stop, and it needs to stop now. Jonny told me this is the final push in Afghanistan before the troops start to "really" withdraw. But realistically this wont happen for another 2-3 years. Which means more and more lives are going to be in danger. It is sickening how people hardly even mention or talk about the war anymore in conversation. It so disheartening because we have so many of our own, slaving every single day while most go on with their lives and dont have a care in the world. Let this be a reminder to say a prayer, 15 seconds out of your day, and reflect on the troops who are risking their lives for your freedom.

SO our couch we finally ordered is coming on Friday. I dont think ive ever been so happy/sad for a piece of furniture to come. We were so excited to buy our first real home item together that symbolized some of the happiest times we've had in our relationship. It depressing that i will be watching probably "a walk to remember" or "the notebook" on it alone Friday night clutching a bottle of wine. or 5 bottles. Its sad because when Jonny was doing his will, he selected that i recieve the couch. the only asset he officially owns. ugh, so depressing i cant even bear to think about it.

The best news of the week is that we decided to do Alie's bachlorette party in AC (Atlantic City) for people wo arent good at determining acronyms. AND I CANT FRIGGEN WAIT. i also cant wait for her engagement party in May. Being down here in the south is lonely and I need some human interaction asap before i go crazy. This event will not only be amazing, but will help take my mind off everything.

Also, thank you to all my blog readers/friends/family/lesbo girlfriends/best friends/wifeys whoever you are who have been texting/facetiming/calling me to lend advice, support etc. it means more than you will ever know and if i havent been responding or calling you back, i promise I will this weekend. A lot has occured in the past 20 hours and its been a lot to process. I am not good at dealing with situations like this/explaining my feelings. Just know that it means SO MUCH and i couldnt get through a time like this without any of you. I loom forward to seeing everyone when I am at home working this summer. :)

I will update my blog this weekend with a life update and will post Jonnys address on many forms of social media when he arrives in Afgahnistan. I hope everyone will write him letters, send him a note, a package, anything to keep his spirit up. Seriously a quick "thank you for your service, be safe" can make any soldier stay positive and help them get through the day.

p.s. if i am a bitch at all in the next 6-8 months, 1. i apologize and 2. i will be sexually frustrated and cranky as a result :)


everyone have a happy hump day and a good rest of your week!
support our troops! YAY USA.

weekend round up

This weekend was such a special one.

One of my best girlfriends got engaged to a wonderful guy. I have never been so happy or excited for someone to get married in my life. Alie, is marrying into the army lifestyle and agreeing to stand by Grant for his tenure serving his duty--is a tremendous feat itself and says a lot about her character.
Both of them have asked Jonny and I to be apart of their special day. We couldnt be more honored or blessed to even think that we mean that much to them to include us. They are officially kicking off the "new london boys crew" of weddings that will be coming in the next couple of years. CONGRATULATIONS AND WE ARE SO EXCITED!!!!!

Its crazy to think someday i will be going through a whirlwind engagement and wedding planning. It makes me anxious and truly puts my whole life into perspective. But the most important lesson learned this weekend was the definition of a best friend. Many people (except a small exception), go through different phases of best friends throughout their lives. My definition of a best friend is someone who you have a good time with, but someone you call when the most amazing things happen and when the most horrific incidents happen. Someone who always remembers when something important in your life is going on, and take the time to constantly check up on you. A best friend is like a REAL family, and gives you an opinion that you usually care most about. A best friend lifts you higher in the most supportive ways possible. It really isnt who has been there for you the longest, but the relationship that has been built in the time you have shared together. I have been blessed to experience the true meaning of a life long friendship with a few people at such a young age. I couldnt be more excited to see how I will grow along side of them for the next 60 years.

Thank you to Alie and Lauren Campos for thinking of me this weekend. You both truly make me a better person. Love you both to pieces!


The rest of my weekend consisted of relaxing with Jonny. We never take time just to do nothing. It was nice to catch up with tasks that ive been putting aside for a few weeks. You would think that because i'm not working my days would be boring--however lately there has been so much to do with getting Jonny ready to deploy. Jonny's mom has been trying to talk to me all weekend, but i'm just not ready to talk about how i'm really feeling. I'm afraid shes going to get me all worked up and emotional. I feel like sometime people that love you so much (like Jonny mom) that they forget not everyone is wired the same way. Gena Edmunds is one of the sweetest, and most generous people I have ever met, and i love her to death, but the way we approach the military life is different. I still feel like i'm trying to process the whole situation in my own terms --that its hard to explain your emotions to people. No matter how you try to express how your feeling about deployment to someone, no one WILL understand.

As much as I was in a rush to get into employment when I got down here, I'm glad i made the executive decision and not accept any of the positions offered to me. Its nice to take time out of my life to get my head right, relax, and rejuvenate myself. I have been going non-stop with work and school since I was 15 years old. My summer is going to be out of control crazy and its nice to just enjoy life a little bit right now--take everything in and not take anything for granted.

Life is truly beautiful, and I am so lucky and fortunate to live the life i do.

ramblings'

WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?

I'm not really sure whats been going on with me in the past two weeks. I feel like ive been on a wild rollercoaster ride. I honestly feel like so many things have been dumped on me, and ive been trying to pretend that they dont really exist. I have no interest in things that used to interest me, and i have no idea how to start making the changes i want too.

Jonny suggested I sit down for a little while and work on a pros and cons, handwritten old school list--like with a paper and pen. not and ipad. It honestly was very therapeutic. I have been stressed about where I want to go with my life. I have been indenial about the path that I have chosen for myself. I have put myself in an "army" environment, and now i have to adapt to the decision i've made, whether I want to or not. Which means my profession has to now be one that I can adapt to this path.

My list comprised of:

1. Get my masters in education--become a business teacher/high school level

2. health administration-masters

3. human resource manager

4. nursing

5. accounting--MBA

I was actually surprised that i listed becoming a teacher as number one. Its no secret to anyone that I amd not a HUGE fan of kids. but i feel as though with high school, I can draw from my experience and help pre-college adolescents make smart decisions. Also, I can use my degree/business passion to help ease the pain that my degree/money spent actually means something to me.

I am not even sure how to even go about achieving my new goals. I mean i only left college a mere 2 years ago, but it feels like decades ago.

I know, decisions would be easier to make if Jonny wasnt getting deployed in idk 29 days.

That whole thing was casually sprung on me yesterday after I got back from a run. We both knew the deployment was going to be coming. We both even knew it was going to be in 3-5 months. But neither of us truly expected it to in less than a month. I mean we JUST got here. I havent even got my stupid debit card in the mail yet, and in 32 days he is going to be off in the Ghanzi province of Afghanistan helping fix radios and computers for america's soldiers. I feel like this is literally a dream. I have been doing my research on the Ghanzi province and the area has just been "deemed" secure and not hostile. But HELLLO is friggen afghanistan, no place is safe. Every day there is another KIA--including one from his battalion on friday.  

Then Jonny goes on to tell me how Afghans will dress up in civil clothes and open fire on army cafeterias. Nice Jonny. Way to defuse the anxiety I am already having about you leaving so soon. I hope this means he wont be eating his stupid ham sandwich in a cafteria.

 He called his dad to fill him in on the situation last night, and even his father who was in the military for 30+ years is worried and surprised that he is immediately leaving.

This situation provoked me to email my boss and proclaim that I hope she plans on giving me 60+ hours a week in work, because I dont want to have a spare minute to myself to think about any of it. Come July, I am sure I will be complaining about being over-worked, but I'll just re-read this blog and remind myself that 'Laura, you did this to yourself'.

The worst part was that I had to tell my parents that I would be coming back for 3-4 months. They werent exactly THRILLED. I think they finally thought I flew the coop, and now i am returning 2 months later. I tried to explain to them--jonny and i just got here, we have 3 friends--2 of which are probably deploying. My only girl-friend is not even going to be around 2 months out of the summer. I have no job, or a job where the money would be so great to persuade me to stay here by myself for the duration of the summer. I miss my family. I miss my poppy friends. I miss the beach. There is no life, like the Cape Cod summer life--and only the ones who are born and raised on that piece of paradise truly know how you come to respect it.

I guess I am kind of dissapointed in the past month I havent really made a stellar effort to make friends in NC. But my whole neighborhood consists of privates (jonny isnt suppose to intermingle with them), adults--like 30-40s with BABIES (i am not looking to get stuck babysitting any time soon), and legit mail order bride situations. All I want are some normal people, like me, that enjoy going out, shopping at normal stores and not Walmart, and want to take spontaneous trips. Most of the girls what surround me, never leave their houses and just wait on every beck and call from their men. I have always been the Alpha in any relationship i've been in. The life I am currently living in NC is such a joke. I thought it would be fun to be a "housewife", but let me tell you how unhappy it makes me. I dont mind cooking once or twice a week, but EVERY DAY!? No way. No thank you. It's sad that my daily list consists of cleaning, laundry, and organizing. I can't believe women actually do this for a living. The highlight of my day is running to the mailbox to see if any one remembers that I still exist.

I miss my friends so much. I feel like so many good things have been happening to everyone around me. It's hard to not be jealous sometimes, and I am NOT usually the jealous type either. I think ive just been finding myself slightly irriated that I only talk superficially with friends. There's always time for lightheartedness--a quick text, sending a tweet etc., but the older I get there needs to be more time for a "deep" connection with friends. One of the only things I miss from childhood was how you would always pick up the phone and call and make physical plans. I just feel like our generation is losing the power of a real connection. The most frustrating of all, is that I dont think there is a universal solution to this problem. I know everyone is so busy, but in the 2 hours you waste on facebook a day--cant you use that time to pick up your expensive smart phone and call someone? Dont you always love the way you feel when you get off the phone with someone? Its definitely something to think about.

I've been trying to find some type of volunteer group to join. Nothing interesting has turned up so far--that doesnt involve just giving money to the poverty. Every corner in fayetteville, nc are people begging for you to help their improvished neighborhood. It truly angers me how people are always begging for money around here and all they do is spend it at the 400 strip clubs and gun shops. Seriously, just get away from me.

As I am extremely sad to be leaving Jonathan for a few months--I am looking forward to dragging myself out of this funk and putting myself in a more positive situation.

I guess there is no time but the present.

I really liked this quote...

"You know all those things that you've always wanted to do? You should go do them."

I like how direct and to the point it is. Like seriously Laura, stop making excuses and just do what you want. I used to be that person who never thought about and analyzed the situation, but would just act. Its time to get back to that person. Big things ahead, Big decisions to be made.

I think I am actually ready!

I actually feel a little better after rambling on.

 

culture shock..

hi everyone,

It's been a few weeks since ive updated my blog.
its been a whirlwind adjusting to life in spring lake, nc.
all the roads are highways. every fast food place imaginable is in a 3 block radius. strip clubs, gun shops, and pawn shops are more frequent than trees. welcome to life surrounding an army base.

the job hunt has been equally as difficult. ive applied to 500 jobs and have had two interviews. both which i have no interest in doing. i think i am getting to the point in my life where i dont want to just settle for "any" job. ive been in the work force for almost 10 years now, and i'm ready to do something where i love getting up in the morning and going to. a job where i dont have to work weekends. i'm totally fine with working a 9-5er. that is something I would not take for granted whatsoever.

Jonny started work this week on bragg. His unit already deployed to Afghanistan middle of March. Due to the shortage of troops, he has to get deployed very soon to catch up with his unit. As of right now sometime in May seems the most likely. The good news if there is any out of this, is that the deployment may only be about 5 months in length.

Everything is happening so quickly. We just got here. We just started working and adjusting to being back together. Now its all changing.

I have made the executive decision to go back home to the Cape and work June-labor day weekend in September. With my job, I will be making double or even triplein one week on the cape, compared to one month of work here. It also will be a good distraction being busy and around people who I love while Jonny is in Afghanistan.

There are a few good perks to being here however:
1. life shuts down on sundays. i like having a designated "family" day.
2. drinks are like 3 dollars, and they give you a good buzz
3. so many dogs every where!!!
4. my apartment/community is gorgeous--everything is brand new and i could never afford a place like this back home. thank you us army for something
5. the weather. already in the 80s, sunny, and the pool opens for good in a month
6. so many fun things around to do. a lot more interesting than cape cod, ma

Things i miss:
1. my dog. my family. my sister
2. TD bank--i still havent got my debit card here. come on people!!!!!!
3. people moving at a faster pace--sometimes the service is so terrible down here
4. sports. sad i cant watch the redsox :(

with all my free-time in the past week and a half. ive been doing a lot of soul-searching and its been a good thing. its really time to make some changes and set some long term goals. i've realized i havent achieved anything substantial in my life since graduating college and i am tired of feeling "lazy".
time to turn over a new leaf.