Goodbyes..really are GOOD..

Goodbyes are the worst.

Or they are supposed to be.

When I first found out I was leaving, I was sure I was going to be on a crazy emotional rollercoaster of a ride. I figure all of my friends would go out of there way, like in movies and books, to spend as much time with me before I embark 1000 miles away. Unfortunately, it wasn’t like that at all. It actually surprised me that friends who were ALREADY miles away were the ones offering advice and a helping hand rather than the ones close by. Well, all I can say is that I have never been more excited to “cut the fat” in the friendship world than I am now. Have you called me/made plans with me/Facetimed me/sent me a card in the past 6 months? If you haven’t, you have been most likely downgraded on my future wedding list to a “questionable” guest. Kid me not, I have a wedding guest word document and if you are feeling you might be on the bubble..you probably are!

One of my New Year’s resolutions was making the effort in preserving and maintaining friendships. Easier said than done. I am actually proud of myself. I have actually been putting in a valiant effort. For those who have chosen to spend more time with a “new” relationship or just act plain lazy—shame on you. The oldest rule in the book—chicks before dicks. Hoes before bros. come on now, even in adult world you will realize the importance of spending time with the girls.

It’s not like you can actually complain about girl things to your boyfriend and him actually ENJOY it. I have been trying for 2 years to teach Jonny to straighten that hidden hair bump that everyone always misses when you are getting ready to go out. You know that chunk of hair I am talking about! (the one in the very back) Act like your boyfriend can do a better job getting out that AWFUL bump rather than your best friend? THERE IS NO WAY.  (and if you have friends who don’t tell you about that hair bump before going out to the bar, they are either):

A. jealous of you and want you to look worse than them or

B. not your true friend

Another example did a little spring cleaning on Facebook and deleted 600+ friends. Why would I want people I don’t give a rats ass about see me having more fun than them? Spending time with my family, why would I want you to stalk my family members and I?

BYE BYE is all I can say. See some goodbyes really aren’t that bad.

I guess breaking it down in simplest terms, I am just trying to surround myself in a more POSITIVE world since I am making the change to a new place. I can re-do my outlook in life, start anew, be the individual I’ve talked about being for years and years. A person, who is careful about giving second chances to ones who don’t deserve them.

If you are pretty much the only one putting in the effort into a friendship, than it ISNT a friendship. It’s a two way street and in reality, everyone is driving on the same road.

Friendship is not a state of mind, it’s an act. It’s something you do, it’s not about whether you’re good or not, it’s not a reflection of you, it’s a balanced relationship between people. I’ve come to realize that in the past year—my friendship scale has NOT been balanced. I guess I need to be more forgiving and realize that doesn’t mean it’s always balanced at every moment.

Sometimes you “need a friend” and other times it’s the other way. It’s a trust that’s returned. It’s like letting your sister borrow your favorite shirt. When she gives it back you can trust that someday the favor will be returned.

But let this be a lesson learned to all who are reading:

This is your final notice.

Before I label our type of friendship as hopelessly destructive, I want you to honestly reflect and see if you can recognize what is making our relationship poisonous, what is causing that excessive derogatory behavior and whether or not that with time and help, if we can change the orientation of the problem.

If changes cannot occur, than we both have to accept our traits and flaws and move on from each other’s lives.

Sometimes it’s hard to say goodbye.

It’s hard to say the goodbyes, where it was someone you had some pretty, fun, amazing, and memorable times with.

However, I’d rather have just a few good friends rather than more than I can keep track of.

But lastly,

THANK YOU.

To the ones who have been there through thick and thin.

Friends make good company on the road of life, and for a true few of you, even a few new ones you have been more than I could have ever ask for. Making memories with you are never a waste of my time, but time I cherish and look back on every day and smile.

I heard this once and really like it: Friendship isn’t a big thing, but millions of little things all mixed together in a mixing bowl, where every spoonful has a wonderful result.

Friends are people who bring out the best in you.

SO THANK YOU AGAIN FOR BRINGING OUT THE BEST IN ME. I LOVE YOU LADIES!!! XOXOXO

Alie and I, another future army wife

All the Girls on My 24th Birthday Foxwoods!

Best Friend Lauren, my Army Wifey (shes a real one now though!)

My other Best Friend Sarah Sceery, definition of the truest kind of friend you could have

Stas and I..my San Francisco Lover!

My Sister Liv

My Mashpee Girls..been there through thick and thin!!!

Army Wife In Training..maybe?

I am just a military girlfriend.

In the eyes of the United States and the world I have no formal recognition. I am the bottom feeder and the bottom of the food chain. I hold no Military ID card; there is no way for me to get on base alone. Jonny, the man I love will eventually come out of simulation world and face unspeakable dangers that 99% of our human population is afraid to do.

There is no ring on my finger to symbolize our commitment.

Though I love him NO LESS because of it.

We both strive for the sense of “normalcy” and look forward to heading down the marriage path “on our own terms”. I have given him my word and my promise to be here, in NC, upon his return from Afghanistan or wherever he ends up getting deployed to.

The events of the next several months hold my love, my future, and MY LIFE in a balance. For the past year my life has already changed drastically. I barely see and barely talk to my boyfriend. If you added up all the days and times we have spent together in the past year it’s a little under a month. Phone conversations? A little less than 20 minutes a day. Can you picture yourself handling this lifestyle? Most people cant. I never thought that I would be able to do it, but I found a strength I never knew existed.

In the past couple months, I have witnessed people who are ignorant and fearful. Some of the questions I have encountered have shocked me beyond belief. These are just a few of the questions I have been asked and have jotted down in a journal to eventually use for a blog of some sort.

1.       “Are you afraid he is going to be killed? “ DUH people. Of course I’m terrified. The thought always lingers at the backs of my mind. But thank you for bringing it to my attention eben though I have stored it far away in the back of my mind. How about next time you go to a hospital you ask someone who has terminal cancer if they are afraid to die

2.       2. "I don't know how you manage. I definitely know I could never do it." I know this is probably intended to be a “compliment”, but it has to be one of the most annoying ones on the planet. A military girlfriend has NOT been dreaming ever since childhood that her prince charming would show up in ACUs and wear tan combat boots and be forced to leave your side for unspeakable amount of time. I chose this life. I chose this commitment, and I have been forced to rise to the challenge, dig deep, and find a strength to make sacrifices. I manage because I wanted to.  

3.       "How much longer does Jonny have until he can get out?" Many of our loved ones don’t spend there time writing “X”s on a calendar until they “get out”. Jonny says now he wants to do 4 and then get out and find a different career path, do his time then move on. But realistically he may end up falling in love with his job more than he envisioned and may re-enlist again and again considering wars don’t just go away overnight. So asking someone who is dating a military member this question is a waste of time.

4.       8. "My husband/boyfriend had to go to Texas for business once for two weeks. I totally know what you're going through." Or “My boyfriend went to New York to party for a long weekend—I missed him so much after 3 days apart—we are in the same boat!” (THESE WERE REAL SITUATIONS) Please do not equate your boyfriend/husbands trip to a 9-15 month deployment in a WAR ZONE. Were people trying to blow your loved one up while you were on a conference call in a meeting? Were people trying to shoot your loved one while he was ripping tequila shots? Did your loved one fly on a commercial plane, sleep in clean sheets, and eat at a nice restaurant courteous of his company? We’ll I’ll tell you my boyfriend is sleeping in a sleeping bag, hasn’t showered for days after rigorous training, and then eats nasty food MRE packets dreaming of a big mac. Sorry, I don’t feel bonded to you and I actually resent you/am embarrassed for you.

5.       "Don't you miss sex! I could never handle that!" did you really even have to ask me that question!??!?!?!!? All I can say is I have learned that quickly you must adjust to forming a relationship founded on something greater than JUST sex. Like appreciating just having a phone date once a day. You just have to stay positive and hope that someday you will have the chance to make up for lost time… ;)   but this a dumb-ass question. YES I DO. So there is your answer.

So the moral of this blog entry is to be mindful of the things you say to an army girlfriend.

And that I wouldn’t trade in the love I have for Jonny, my army boy for any other relationship in the world.

so what are you gunna be when you grow up?

I HATE THIS QUESTION.

I felt the deer-caught-in-headlights look come over my face as I realized that I couldn’t easily answer that question in the ten words or less the situation required. I always freeze up and have a slight panic attack. I’m only 24 yet I still don’t even know. I mean I have some vague ideas of things that I am mildly interested in. If you were to ask me the question of all the careers I’m NOT interested in that would be easier. Like for example I definitely don’t want to be a garbage man (can you imagine touching other people trash..ew) or a surgeon (so much guts, blood, and smells).

For a while I was thinking, maybe it was a lack of motivation. I work three jobs to pay off huge loans on a career that is pretty much a dead end. I really wish when I was younger people wouldn’t constantly say “you can be anything you wanna be when you grow up”. To me, there are so many false hopes in that statement. I honestly wish they never instilled this idea into my brain! In today’s society it should be rephrased as “you can be anything you wanna be when you grow up, as long as you have a million dollars and a few great connections”.

 

All I ever dreamed of doing since I was 11 was owning my own high-end sports bar with the most amazing unique bar food that keeps people’s mouthwatering that they come back every single week to watch the game at my bar. I am so in love with every kind of sport there is, especially football. I will go into detail about that in another post. Anyways, I have the whole thing so perfectly mapped out in my mind it almost feels like reality. Unfortunately, the actual reality of the situations is that I can’t afford to buy a building, hire and pay staff, any overhead costs. Etc.  This type of niche has barely been tapped in modern day society that I feel as though I am sitting on a cash-cow!

Someday I will make my dream a reality.

But for now I must revamp and find a career that can be bearable until I have the funds.

It’s just really hard to get that boost of “motivation” to make a career switch when you are witnessing some of the things I witness at my current jobs.

But currently, the hardest part about waking up and going to my 3 jobs is the fact that I feel there is no promotable potential, such a lack of recognition, and with a BA degree the lack of compensation for the amount of hours I put in. It is extremely hard at one job to bite my tongue and ignore the poorest management I have ever witnessed, when you know that you have are skilled and trained to do a better job. This is the main reason why I need a job where I need to be THE BOSS or at least be in a situation where I can work on my own for most of the time.

where i currently work..job # 1. New Seabury CC LLC. 8 years strong!

 

if i never see another summer beach wedding, it will be TOO SOON. so overdone and i'm SO OVER IT. I've worked over 400+ weddings and i can tell you one thing...you sure as HELL will not see me getting married in June-August.

I am just stuck in the place where I am not sure if I can find/go back to school and study for a #2 job when I have my heart set on my #1 dream job. I guess this is to be determined in the next couple of weeks once I move to my new place and take the time to re-evaluate a new course of action for my life. I just feel so much pressure on my from so many people to succeed, it looks like I am going to have to take a big risk and truly step into the unknown black hole of career searching. (UGH!!!!)

But honestly if i could just win the lottery. Be a Homemaker. That would be so ideal.

Me and the Biltmore Estate. My dream home. Wouldnt I make the most perfect house wife???

Me and some of my staff. I am the Queen of the Poppy Inn.

 

Our delicious menu. yum yum!!

slaving in our "ghetto" office.

"Living the life of a Poppy-Holic"

To Be Continued….

If you’re at all interested and reading about the ten worst jobs in america I posted the link below..i was curious!

http://www.cnbc.com/id/28539061/The_Ten_Worst_Jobs_in_America?slide=3

why am i moving?

“So, why are you moving to North Carolina?”

This is a question I’ve gotten a lot since I was telling people I was moving to North Carolina since May 2011. Yet every time it is asked—by the co-workers, family, or friends—I hesitate. I’d like to say something simple, like “for work” or “for school,” which is easy to understand. People move because of work and school all the time. I am moving for love. AND I am moving for change.

“Moving for Love is not very a good idea” “Are you engaged?” “In today’s day an age is that a smart decision?”

I’ve never quite gotten over the un-comfortableness I feel talking about this situation, but when these questions were asked it almost annoys me. Why can’t I just take a risk and see if it pans out? I swear people just like to say “I told you so”. If it works out that in the end you were right, then you can say it to my face a bazillion times. But what bothers me the most is when people give an opinion on an experience that they have never even went through on their own.

Have you ever moved away for love before and gotten hurt?!?

Have you been engaged and then had a broken engagement?

Have you ever lived with an IMPORTANT boyfriend before marriage?

How do you know in this “day and age” that it isn’t the RIGHT reason?

Well you want an answer? Here it is..

The most compact version of the real answer is, “I felt an existential need for change.” I suspect an answer like that would be greeted with confusing and a general “huh?” look on someone’s face. It changes small talk into weird talk. You mean you moving 1000 miles away just because you actually want to? Yup people, it is as simple as that. I have never wanted to experience change and experience the world as I do right now in my life. Figuring out problems, whether relationship or general day-to-day activities on my own without any pre-mentioned advice is all I want.

I am ready.

Moving because you feel like it *is* rather odd. I guess. But isn’t it odd that it’s odd? I’d never thought about it before, but millions of people in the world must live where they do just because that’s where they’ve always lived. They are afraid to LEAVE their comfort zones It makes me question how much control we actually have over our lives and how much power we give up by simply believing we don’t have any power.

I guess I would of fallen into that category had I not went on a road trip to Austin, TX last February with a best friend from Cape Cod. Shea received a job offer in Texas and needed a buddy to travel in the car with her on her journey. We were rolling along state to state until we hit Virginia. That’s when it truly occurred to me how vast the United States was. How sheltered I had been growing up in Mashpee a town that had grown from 4,000 full-time residents to 20,000 residents in 15 years.

I never really believed that I would have the strength to leave my bubble.

That I actually had this POWER to just go. Leave my friends and family behind and take a risk.

But what I am learning is that I was born with this strength, I can embrace change, embrace love, embrace a new opportunity in NC; everyone has it.

Mine was just covered under some clutter.

i know how to blog? I AM FAT

                                                           Hi, I’m Laura Jane

I never in a million years thought I would have a blog.

I don’t really see myself as particularly exciting and someone who has earth shattering ideas..nor am I someone who is an outstanding creative writer. I tend to be sarcastic and opinionated as all hell—but I am one of the most loyal, trustworthy, and HONEST people you will ever meet. I believe this blog will be a testament of that

It’s actually a funny story how it even occurred.

My best friend LHCampos was starting her own blog. She made it private and I was trying to access it to read it and give her some feedback. I had to give her my email and it would send me a link to join. As I am patiently waiting to read it, I get a text from her saying “why does it say I AM FAT next to your name?”..of course I have no freaking IDEA what she is talking about. I log on to my goggle page and low and behold a hacker had invented a blog for me titled “I AM FAT”. Of course I find this hilarious, I mean I am a little over-weight but in no means am I a buffalo!

Instead of being hurt by this situation and turning into a raging bitch, I am turning it into an opportunity to express my thoughts, opinions, feelings, and whatever my heart desires as I am about to embark on a new journey. This new journey consists of moving out of the house I grew up in, moving in with a boy where our future is undetermined, to a new town where I only know 2 people, while being unemployed. It will be about self-discovery and survival. And most importantly, finally getting the chance to grow up and mold myself into the person I have always dreamed of being.

It probably sounds like I’m crazy and scared.

But to be honest I have never been so ready and excited in my life.

My life has been on hold for 2 years—waiting for the boy I love to focus on his own journey. Don’t get me wrong, the sacrifice is not what I regret. But I am ready for my OWN journey and my OWN life to begin. Never in a million years did I think it would come down to me being in a situation where at 24 I am DEPENDENT on a man. That I would have to put my dreams and aspirations in a box and tucked away on a shelf for the time being. My boy and I have finally agreed its time that I can focus on achieving the things and doing the things that are important in my life. Its time to get down to business!!

I SWEAR this hacker was trying to send me a sign..and maybe this was it!?