I am just a military girlfriend.
In the eyes of the United States and the world I have no formal recognition. I
am the bottom feeder and the bottom of the food chain. I hold no Military ID
card; there is no way for me to get on base alone. Jonny, the man I love will
eventually come out of simulation world and face unspeakable dangers that 99%
of our human population is afraid to do.
There is no ring on my finger to
symbolize our commitment.
Though I love him NO LESS because of it.
We both
strive for the sense of “normalcy” and look forward to heading down the
marriage path “on our own terms”. I have given him my word and my promise to be
here, in NC, upon his return from Afghanistan or wherever he ends up getting
deployed to.
The events of the next several
months hold my love, my future, and MY LIFE in a balance. For the past year my
life has already changed drastically. I barely see and barely talk to my
boyfriend. If you added up all the days and times we have spent together in the
past year it’s a little under a month. Phone conversations? A little less than
20 minutes a day. Can you picture yourself handling this lifestyle? Most people
cant. I never thought that I would be able to do it, but I found a strength I never
knew existed.
In the past couple months, I have
witnessed people who are ignorant and fearful. Some of the questions I have
encountered have shocked me beyond belief. These are just a few of the
questions I have been asked and have jotted down in a journal to eventually use
for a blog of some sort.
1.
“Are you afraid he is going to be killed? “ DUH people. Of course I’m terrified. The thought always lingers at the
backs of my mind. But thank you for bringing it to my attention eben though I
have stored it far away in the back of my mind. How about next time you go to a
hospital you ask someone who has terminal cancer if they are afraid to die
2.
2. "I don't know how you manage. I definitely
know I could never do it." I know this is probably intended to be a “compliment”,
but it has to be one of the most annoying ones on the planet. A military
girlfriend has NOT been dreaming ever since childhood that her prince charming
would show up in ACUs and wear tan combat boots and be forced to leave your
side for unspeakable amount of time. I chose this life. I chose this
commitment, and I have been forced to rise to the challenge, dig deep, and find
a strength to make sacrifices. I manage because I wanted to.
3.
"How much longer does Jonny have
until he can get out?" Many of our loved ones don’t spend there time writing “X”s on a calendar
until they “get out”. Jonny says now he wants to do 4 and then get out and find
a different career path, do his time then move on. But realistically he may end
up falling in love with his job more than he envisioned and may re-enlist again
and again considering wars don’t just go away overnight. So asking someone who
is dating a military member this question is a waste of time.
4.
8.
"My husband/boyfriend had to go to Texas for business once for two weeks.
I totally know what you're going through." Or “My boyfriend went to New
York to party for a long weekend—I missed him so much after 3 days apart—we are
in the same boat!” (THESE WERE REAL SITUATIONS) Please do not equate your
boyfriend/husbands trip to a 9-15 month deployment in a WAR ZONE. Were people
trying to blow your loved one up while you were on a conference call in a
meeting? Were people trying to shoot your loved one while he was ripping
tequila shots? Did your loved one fly on a commercial plane, sleep in clean
sheets, and eat at a nice restaurant courteous of his company? We’ll I’ll tell
you my boyfriend is sleeping in a sleeping bag, hasn’t showered for days after rigorous
training, and then eats nasty food MRE packets dreaming of a big mac. Sorry, I don’t
feel bonded to you and I actually resent you/am embarrassed for you.
5.
"Don't you miss sex! I could never
handle that!" did
you really even have to ask me that question!??!?!?!!? All I can say is I have
learned that quickly you must adjust to forming a relationship founded on
something greater than JUST sex. Like appreciating just having a phone date
once a day. You just have to stay positive and hope that someday you will have
the chance to make up for lost time… ;)
but this a dumb-ass question. YES I DO. So there is your answer.
So the moral of
this blog entry is to be mindful of the things you say to an army girlfriend.
And that I wouldn’t
trade in the love I have for Jonny, my army boy for any other relationship in
the world.
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